An Open Letter for my Mum

Dear Mum,

This may come as a little bit of a shock to you. I did start this as a Facebook status but it got too long and I figured that people would get bored reading this.

I’m finally getting my bearings with being a mother of two kids and while I still think you are utterly insane for doing this five times, I finally really appreciate how amazing you are.

I’m sorry for all the crap I may have given you since…well, birth lol. I’m sorry for any time I’ve made you cry, scream or punish me for being a little shit. I’m sorry for sometimes being selfish and moody and downright mean. I’m sorry for any time I’ve made you shake your head in disappointment.

I now understand. I get it. I get why you would tell me off and I get why you would cry when I was naughty. I get that my behaviour and my choices had (and I suppose still have) you worried or excited or a huge range of what-the-fuck-is-she-doing emotions. I now understand you had limits. I now understand that I frustrated the fuck out of you sometimes. I love you.

I’m grateful for everything you’ve ever done for me and still continue to do. I’m grateful for the hour long conversations that drive him indoors mad when I run up the phone bill. I’m grateful for being able to talk your ear off on the phone. I’m grateful that you’ve listened so much to me crying my eyes out as I try to get to grips with being a mum myself. I’m grateful for all the advice you’ve given me about Sophie and Madeleine and being married and everything in between. You’re the voice inside my head and you’re the first person I think to run to with news.

You’ve supported me and laughed with me (so hard that sometimes I could pee, weak pelvic floor lol) and been my absolute rock.

I know you worry about me and I know I sometimes infuriate you. I know that you worry so much about how we are doing in our lives and I know that won’t ever change. You know why? Because there is no way in hell I would be the mother, no, woman I am today without you there guiding me through things. Whenever I’ve made a bad turn or wrong decision I don’t ever want you to feel that is a reflection on you or how you raised me.

You taught me right and you taught me wrong and sometimes I dip my toes in ‘wrong’. I am still learning and I am so glad you are there with me to smack me upside my head (metaphorically now I’m hundreds of miles away haha) when things go wrong.

I cannot fathom how you let me go ahead and grow up. I look at my daughters and absolutely burst with pride because of how they’re growing up. I still cannot imagine letting them experience life – I want to shield them from everything in the world.

I’m not afraid anymore. I have cried for three months feeling overwhelmed, sometimes so exhausted I hallucinate. And every time I’ve phoned you to cry you’ve calmly explained that I’m not doing anything wrong, and yet never once told me to suck it up and deal with it.

You’ve always accepted how I’m feeling and supported me through it all and never tried to tell me how I was feeling was wrong. You know better than anyone (other than him) how scared I’ve been, trying to handle two and when Madeleine had her accident and dealing with barely having time to be human let alone time for myself.
You’ve listened to my plans in life, some of which are definitely fantasy haha!, and never once told me that I should do less than go for it.

So I’m thanking you. Publically and loudly and shouting it from the rooftops of the Internet. Thank you. For teaching me, for loving me and for laughing at me every time I get a fright. Thank you for guiding me through motherhood so far. You can guarantee you’ll be on the end of the phone again very soon lol.

I love you

X X X

Rolling As Transport??

My child generally sits, hands folded, all neat and tidy. She doesn’t really flail about everywhere –

it’s like she is a lady!

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However recently, she has discovered how to roll. Not just front to back and back to front. But back to front…to back..to front. She is rolling everywhere to reach the right toys. Even on her changing mat, which stands a good 4 foot off the floor, she tries to roll on! It has lipped sides thankfully but still – she tries to roll as much as she can now she’s worked it out!

Much as I love this, it becomes a little bit of a worry when you put your darling child onto her playmats and then all of a sudden you feel a scratch at your ankle – 20 FEET AWAY! – because she has decided your socks are HER socks and she wants them! I have to say, I do think she has inherited a little of my mother.

 

Cos she’s fucking nuts!

(Mum, I love you so much :D)

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For My Mum

Dear Mum

I have decided to write you a post. Not only because you read my blog, but because there are only a very few women in my life who actually make me stop and think and you are actually the number ONE. Of course, I love you because you’re my mother, but not only that – you’re also my friend.

You and I are the only women in our family (immediate anyway) and have spent a lifetime shouting at silly boys who pee on the toilet seat. Of course, we haven’t always seen eye to eye. I remember being chased around the house screaming while you come after me for going to a friends house without permission [oh God…Lol].

When I found out I was pregnant with Sophie I couldn’t wait to tell you. It took every ounce of restraint I had to wait til I had stayed pregnant for three weeks. We both know that we got a lot closer seven years ago when ‘it’ happened. And d’you know what? Some days I’m thankful for it. You are a different person to the Mum I knew before that day and the person you are now is stronger than ever before. You are so independent and I know for a fact that although you have had to face so much utter shit, you are still coming out the other side. I know there have been days you thought you would never survive the sadness but the fact that you have and still continue to do so is an inspiration to me.

You are the voice inside my head. You are the person I hope that I can be. You are the mother I hope that I can be. You have taught me what it is to have a backbone (remember??) and you have taught me to be the best I can be. You taught me right from wrong, and sometimes I have known the difference and still chosen wrong – but I’ve learned. I’ve made mistakes and hopefully I’ve learned from them and that’s because of you.

I love you so much Mum. I can’t imagine there ever being a world without you in it.

Thank you for being you.

Me xx