Valentines Day

Every year by the start of January, card shops, supermarkets and restaurants are advertising ‘romantic meals for two’. Even M&S and Waitrose have a ‘meal for two with a bottle of wine’ offer…which is usually a fancy boxed ready meal labelled in red to fool people into believing that bringing your missus to the local supermarket is the height of romance. 14th February has turned into a Hallmark funny-valentines-day-quotes-complicatedholiday, where every shop and online grotto and restaurant cash in on the idea of love.

Most people forget who St Valentine actually was. So I’ll tell you!

“He was a Roman Priest at a time when there was an emperor called Claudias who persecuted the church at that particular time,” Father O’Gara explains. ” He also had an edict that prohibited the marriage of young people. This was based on the hypothesis that unmarried soldiers fought better than married soldiers because married soldiers might be afraid of what might happen to them or their wives or families if they died.”

“The idea of encouraging them to marry within the Christian church was what Valentine was about. And he secretly married them because of the edict.”

Valentine was eventually caught, imprisoned and tortured for performing marriage ceremonies against command of Emperor Claudius the second. There are legends surrounding Valentine’s actions while in prison.”

So Valentine was a rebel!

I think it’s very romantic that Valentine encouraged people to marry, even in secret. Marriage is a bigger, more honest show of love than a crappy card and musical teddy from the local garage. However, a lot of people put so much into what this day is…women especially. Some women consider that if they don’t receive a bunch of flowers, or a card or a token of love of some sort from their husband/partner/fuck buddy, that the day is a big waste, and sulk they shall!!! I don’t get it. Yes, Valentine’s Day is all about love and showing your partner you love them…

Why not do that every day?

I bought Husband a giant Thorntons chocolate hamper and he bought me a chair massager and support for work. We bought these for each other three weeks ago in January. Neither of us can usually wait for a specific day just to show how much we love each other. 

It shouldn’t be about what gift you get. Hell, last year I got a card. So what? I’m not about to rip his bits off over it but I know people who would. Luckily I have a Husband who is romantic (even when I wish he wasn’t so much!) all the time, not just on a commercially specific day of the year. It doesn’t make me a Valentine version of Scrooge, but this day for me is just another day of the month. Why funny-valentine-day-quote-0should I have to (or anyone, for that matter) wait for one day just to make a gesture of love? On 12th Feb I received a gorgeous bouquet of flowers that I wasn’t expecting. My Husband had sent them to me because he was appreciative of how I’ve been handling all the hospital malarkey. Just because. Not on a special day.

I love love. I love flowers and I love romance and I love all the things that come hand in hand with that. I don’t however, like that restaurants add a huge mark up to the same steak they serve every other day just because it’s the 14th. I don’t like that flower prices go through the roof. I don’t like that everything is geared toward men in that if they don’t get xyz then their wife will beat them to death with the hair straighteners she’s been using to get that perfect curl. Women rush to wax/tan/blow dry/paint all the bits of their bodies in the hope of Valentine romantic sex. Let’s face 482523_10152550121195282_1411940173_nit, if you’re not going to bother the rest of the year, why bother today? Oh waaait…yeah I remember…V-Day is notorious for marriage proposals. Yawn. Originality? I think not. I was proposed to on New Years Eve…at 11am! Husband didn’t want to do the midnight thing as everyone does it.

People rush to find a date just so they don’t have to feel alone, then lament if they cannot find anyone in time. That is one thing I don’t get. Why does being single on V-Day make more of a difference than being single the day before?

I buy my Mum flowers every year on Valentine’s Day. It’s not just a day for partners and I like to use it to remind my Mum she’s loved. There are a lot of things that bug me about this day. Even moreso that Husband is still in hospital, so I still cannot make the chicken roast dinner that I’ve been itching to eat all week. I still only get 3 hours a day of cuddles because while visiting hours open til 8pm, I still have to be home before 7 so that I can get Sophie to bed with her routine intact.

My Valentine will be spent working and listening to Waterloo Road in my pyjamas. I won’t be worrying about whether I got the right bunch of flowers or whether my home is covered in candles and scented bath oils and all that jazz. (I can’t do candles for romance, I’d be worried something would catch fire and that’s certainly not something to put me in the mood!). I’ll be unpacking my shopping delivery and having a hot shower before going to bed. Alone. I’ll also be kissing the face off my littlest Valentine, Sophie. Completely head over the heels in love with her too.

For my Husband…well, he will be in his hospital bed. The fact that I’m managing to work, keep our daughter alive and support him 100% through sickness and health (like our vows said) is romantic enough for him. I’ll still be here. I will love him every day of my life and I will spend every day I have left showing him. Even when I hate him! Valentine’s Day will always be just another day for us.

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A Man’s Biggest Mistake…Giving Another Man the Opportunity to Make His Woman Smile

This post is pretty much aimed at most of the women in my life at the moment who are being treated like utter shit by their partners/husbands/significant c*nts. 227645_511145045590713_1109997342_n

There seems to be a rather horrible and disturbing trend at the moment in that friends of mine, since having their little cherubs, are being cheated on or left or disrespected in some way. I really don’t get it. Why try for a baby with a woman, only to get through the whole shebang of pregnancy and labour, to then leave her? Or better yet, why try for a baby with a woman and agree to spend your life with them, to then go and have an affair with the nearest set of perky tits?

The general consensus is that us women are hormonal. I’m sure you’ve heard this of course. Women are notoriously hormonal – periods, PMS, babies – all reasons for us to scream, shout and cry. Pregnancy hormones added to the mix and the promise of sweet smelling newborns and you have a bag of hormonal mess. So why is it becoming common that men agree to this and then run away? I get it, I do, having a baby is a huge deal. Men and women both feel pressured into being immediately fantastic. Men get scared cos they have no idea what to do (neither do we half the time!).

What I can’t get my head around, are those who choose to TRY for cherubs and then think that it’s a good idea to dip their wick elsewhere. Are you serious? I reference my earlier blog about men who cheat….it’s disgusting. A man who cheats on you is not worth the shit you do in the morning. However, men who cheat on women when they are trying to create tiny humans are just the lowest of the low.

jerk-storeWhen women want a baby, and a man agrees to that and expresses the same wishes, we women get excited. We get broody and start to feather our nests. We get lovey dovey and happy that this man wants what we want, he wants to give us a family, he wants to be a father. And then if that woman discovers that her man agreed to all that, then shagged someone else (which has happened to several friends of mine lately) he becomes automatic scum. Sure…get someone knocked up and paddy it about…why not…? Dick.

Relationships do become different after a baby is born. Of course they do. You can’t go and have a baby, adding a third person and no sleep into the mix, with no change. However, it’s down to both of you how it changes. It can go sour, where you shout at each other through exhaustion and don’t support each other. Or it can go well, where you both GET that it’s a change and you’re both tired and you support each other through gritted teeth even if their mere breathing start to piss you off.

Women have to learn that even though they are hormonal, scared, tired, sore and overwhelmed, that men are scared too. Men need to learn that just because your wife/partner is all those things, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, doesn’t mean she’s put off you and doesn’t mean you’re not needed.

Hell, I remember bursting into tears while shopping in Asda because Husband was worried I wouldn’t love him as much now we had Sophie. I started to cry, because after she was born, I had to divide attention between him, her and myself. It was scary (and I was all over the place) to think that I would have to learn how to be responsible for someone else. And no, pregnancy doesn’t really prepare you for that. It’s a huge deal. But you can get through the scary beginnings by really realising that you are a team and not working against each other. Women shouldn’t push the new Daddy out because they feel possessive of the new squidgy in their life.

So, men of the world, if you are damn lucky enough to find someone who loves you for YOU, and who you love, and you choose to have a life with them… treat them with the damn respect they deserve. This woman would voluntarily give up her body, her youth, her VAGINA… for you to have a family. Don’t then tread all over her because maybe her boobs are for feeding not fun for a while.  Don’t tread on her because things might point a little bit more south. She isn’t stale or old. She is a mother. She is amazing. You’d punch the lights out of anyone who would treat your mother/sister/niece with contempt so don’t do it to your partner. Don’t run to find someone new just cos they mightn’t have the time to shave the other leg.

And don’t forget…New things always become old things in time…

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In Love…With TV

I confess. I love my husband very much. I love my daughter very much. I love my whole family.

But I have another love…TV. And not just any TV. Two particular shows…Grey’s Anatomy and Supernatural.

Grey’s Anatomy… medicine and hot doctors. Supernatural…demons and hot demon hunters. Where can you go wrong with either of these two shows?? Grey’s Anatomy has so much medical jargon it has actually taught me the steps of an appendectomy. And

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seriously…seriously…SERIOUSLY hot men. Only Grey’s Anatomy fans reading this will understand the ‘seriously’ reference but hey. This show made me seriously consider being a doctor, even though watching Casualty has taught me there is a serious lack of yummy doctors in the NHS. I also didn’t want to be in school for a billion years but that’s not the point here. The point is how effing good is this show!? It is amazeballs. It’s teaching me, really…not just a case of hot-doctoritis but hellooooo yummies!

Also, Supernatural. Lots of action, lots of occult info, lots of fighting and scary stuff…and another two delicious men. It is actually ridiculous. Where do they make these men?? I mean, I do already have a husband who these men don’t compare to – he is ridiculously hot himself and I’m very lucky in that sense… but NOM NOM NOM

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Arseholitis…Oops, I mean ‘People Who Cheat’

Lately I have been thinking about how much my life has changed in the last few years and how thankful I am for it. This then got me thinking about how I wish I could go back in time to my 17 year old self, sit me down and bitch slap myself across the face.

I met someone when I was 16. A very long story short? I was cheated on multiple times in the space of four years, but because I was young and stupid I allowed myself to be slowly detached from a lot of people in my life. Friends became just him. Everything I did I was consumed by just him and whether it would be good enough for him. He begged me to move in with him then in a matter of months used Gumtree to find girls to be ‘friends’ with. I made that flat the most homely place ever. It was sparkling clean with good food every day. He forgot our Valentines Day. He bought me a bookmark for my birthday. He then came home from a night out, woke me up and casually told me that he had fucked some girl behind a club. I vomited into the hallway and then he got upset that I didn’t sleep in the same bed as him…!

That is just one example. When I finally got out, I still went back and forth. I mean, how do you stop being around someone who gently extracted you from everyone else? How do you go from being systematically told that you are not good enough for anyone but him and no one else will love you or like you in any way shape or form..to nothing? To not even talking to that person? It’s hard. Insanely hard. I kept going back. He once said to me, ‘I don’t want you anymore, but please don’t date anyone because one day I MIGHT want you again and I need you to wait to see if I will make that decision…in the meantime I will sleep around as much as I like and you have to handle it‘.

No really, he did say that to me. I of course dated anyway, and suffered a barrage of ‘I miss you’, ‘I’ve changed my mind about us’ texts, which would make me drop all and run to him…only to discover I was good enough to have  a one night stand with and drop again like a used tissue. It wasn’t until my wonderful amazing mother took my phone one night and told me these amazing words:

I will give you a backbone whether you like it or not

I have never, ever forgotten these words. I never will. My Mum slowly got me back up. I moved back home and spent a year as a recluse (pretty much!) before meeting Husband.

 

I’ve rambled a bit haven’t I? My point is this: why cheat? If you stop loving someone or feel different, why go and line yourself up another girlfriend, home, heck even LIFE before dumping someone? Why not just say you can’t do it anymore? Why have no courage? Why be a total coward and lie and lie and lie and cheat?

I can’t understand it. The psychological effect alone is devastating. You spend all your time wishing you knew where the lies started. You obsess over when the happiness finished and the betrayal began. You obsess and cry, and if you’re like me, think Vodka is your new best friend. It makes you doubt every person who ever tell you they have feelings for you because you can’t trust words when the person you trusted the most lied to you. What’s the point in breaking someones heart by planning to get them out of your life? I know more than most that relationships don’t work out sometimes…but it is so much better to have transparency and honesty than a crushed soul.

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There is something so dirty about sneaking around behind someones back, isn’t there? I wish I could tell my 17 year old self to stop, think about what you are doing. Get yourself your university education. Learn about who YOU are first. Spend these years being selfish and make some mistakes. I will never get those years back. I feel like I wasted my time so much.

However… without those wasted years, I would not have learned what I know about love and heartbreak. I would not have expected how I should be treated and how I did not WANT to be treated. I’ve learned what my limits are and what the signs are for a man who will cheat on you.

I hate the excuses you know? ‘It was an accident…I didn’t mean it…It meant nothing to me..’ Well, know what, fucktard?? If you are shagging her more than once, it’s not an accident, its a choice. Falling off your bike is an accident, you didn’t fall over into a naked woman ?! Of course it meant something! To me, if not to you! He once told me ‘I haven’t been happy in a long time’. I was stunned, actually stunned. I replied of course, with WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!!!! I couldn’t fix what I didn’t know was wrong!

The worst though…is the WOMEN the men cheat with. What the hell happened to feminism these days? Sisterhood? No? How can a woman KNOWINGLY sleep with an attached man? Whore much?? You should be keeping it in your knickers if you know he’s not free. Fair enough if you genuinely don’t know I suppose your tits don’t need to be torn off you… but fucking hell. Women shouldn’t do shit like that to each other!

 

I am lucky in the way that Husband also had this experience. It means we both have gone into our relationship, and marriage, knowing what to expect from each other. If we have a problem, we never say ‘fine’. We hash it out no matter what purely so that we don’t end up in a trap where one is not told the other is unhappy. We make a conscious effort to air our problems out and as such are STILL in the ‘honeymoon’ phase of the first few weeks of dating.

Because of that fuckhead it took me a long, long time to trust Husband. I couldn’t relax for ages and had such issues  but you know…they’re almost all gone. I am now a naturally suspicious person because of him. I’m slowly being ‘tamed’. Husband told me I was like a frightened rabbit and actually nicknamed me ‘Flinchy’ for the first few months of our relationship.

 

So if I ever hear of anyone, man or woman, who cheats on my friends…here is my advice:

 

RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS AND DON’T LOOK BACK!

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For My Mum

Dear Mum

I have decided to write you a post. Not only because you read my blog, but because there are only a very few women in my life who actually make me stop and think and you are actually the number ONE. Of course, I love you because you’re my mother, but not only that – you’re also my friend.

You and I are the only women in our family (immediate anyway) and have spent a lifetime shouting at silly boys who pee on the toilet seat. Of course, we haven’t always seen eye to eye. I remember being chased around the house screaming while you come after me for going to a friends house without permission [oh God…Lol].

When I found out I was pregnant with Sophie I couldn’t wait to tell you. It took every ounce of restraint I had to wait til I had stayed pregnant for three weeks. We both know that we got a lot closer seven years ago when ‘it’ happened. And d’you know what? Some days I’m thankful for it. You are a different person to the Mum I knew before that day and the person you are now is stronger than ever before. You are so independent and I know for a fact that although you have had to face so much utter shit, you are still coming out the other side. I know there have been days you thought you would never survive the sadness but the fact that you have and still continue to do so is an inspiration to me.

You are the voice inside my head. You are the person I hope that I can be. You are the mother I hope that I can be. You have taught me what it is to have a backbone (remember??) and you have taught me to be the best I can be. You taught me right from wrong, and sometimes I have known the difference and still chosen wrong – but I’ve learned. I’ve made mistakes and hopefully I’ve learned from them and that’s because of you.

I love you so much Mum. I can’t imagine there ever being a world without you in it.

Thank you for being you.

Me xx

D.A.D – Today is a personal DADDY APPRECIATION DAY

Less ranty this one. All about Daddies. Just one in particular – Sophie’s.

Everyone who knows me knows how happy I am with Husband. He is perfectly imperfect for me and a perfect Daddy for Sophie. In no particular order I am going to make a list of thank-yous just to him ❤

Husband cuddles Sophie whenever HE wants one, regardless of whether SHE does

Husband makes bottles AND sterilises them correctly

Husband does the 2am-morning shift which means Mummy gets a lie in nearly every day!

Husband will laugh his head off at a shitty nappy because the farts and smells still make him laugh

Sophie smiles her head off whenever she spots Daddy

Husband makes up his own stories to entertain her

Husband baths with her and splashes with her just to have skin to skin time

Husband will tirelessly play with Sophie and invent names for her teddies: Gerry Giraffe and Terry Tiger are two!

Husband will bring her into the kitchen in her rocker while he washes up just so she has some company

These are just a few of the things I wanted to list. I see everyday how many women complain that their husbands are uninterested in playing with or interacting with their babies, and that their relationships change when they have a baby.

I feel very blessed and very lucky that Husband feels like I do: he helped create the little creature that is Sophie and he watched her birth, cut her cord and he did her first feed. He was the second person to hold her in her life and they have the most incredible bond. He is every bit as connected to her as I am and I carried her for nine months.

Our relationship has become even stronger, and I wanted to show my appreciation that I have someone like him in my life.

“If I had my life to live all over again, next time I would find you sooner so I could love you longer”