My favourite song of all time is Emotions, by Samantha Sang and The BeeGees. I remember being a little girl and my Dad singing it to me when he was wallpapering my brothers bedroom. The image of being about six years old and hearing that song on the radio with him is one of my most treasured memories. So the reason I mention this, is I am an emotional wreck. I am a writer, but I am no good at speaking the words I feel.

I do what I do best, and write them down. Like I am now. Basically I am an emotional wreck, and I can’t blame it on being drunk, and I can’t blame it on being upset. I am a mess. I cried today because Sophie gave me a long look and said ‘Mummy’ and then smiled her head off. It is a sad, sad life when you cry at things like that!1506461_10151874422182153_1457732013_n

I don’t easily say how I feel (ask my Husband, he would agree) unless I’m angry, I can’t verbalise what I feel for him. I couldn’t describe how much I love my Sophie because trying to put that into words would probably break the universe, it’s THAT impossible. I think of Sophie every moment I’m not with her. I wonder what she is doing, if she is laughing, if she is happy. Same goes for Husband, I wonder whether he is okay and what he is doing. I tell Sophie I love her every single day, usually in the hopes that she will repeat it!

It scares me a lot, the idea of adding a fourth little life into our bubble of three. I barely imagined splitting my love for Sophie from how much I loved my Husband the first time round, but it’s such a different type of love isn’t it? This time, I will be loving two babies, and this is scary. I worry I don’t have the capacity to do it, but at the same time, know that I do. It’s all very confusing!

I am going to do everything I can to make sure Sophie always feels loved and never feels like my love for her changes. I worry a lot that she won’t feel like she is important anymore, then I remember that she will never remember what it’s like to be an only child, she will always remember her new brother or sister though and that is so important to me.

Hormones have messed right up since my new tenant moved into my womb – I cry a LOT more than I did in early pregnancy with Sophie. It’s all different this time! One week until my early scan now to make sure everything is where it should be, then it’s going to be Christmas, which will no doubt make me cry!!!


She’s Teething…We’re ALL Crying!

Ah, Parenthood. There are so many things about this joyous amazing eternally fucking awesome frustratingly lovely period in life that are wonderful. The smiles in the morning when your sleepified baby has just woken up and realised you are in the room. The giggles all because you spun in a gentle circle yelling WHEEEEEEEE. The sheer amazement of your baby resting their hand on yours while they sit contentedly in your lap.


There are pitfalls. Landmines. Total-fucking-apocalyptic-meltdowns. And do you know what? NO ONE TELLS YOU THIS WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!!

They say unhelpful things like:

1. Ohhh get your sleep now (during 3rd trimester) as you won’t sleep when the baby arrives!

Do you know what? I didn’t sleep AT ALL in 3rd trimester. With the peeing and the restless legs and the insomnia and the summertime night heat and heartburn. Oh God the heartburn!

2. Rub whiskey on a teething babies’ gums, works a treat

Yeah, in 1950. If I wouldn’t give my baby juice at 5 months why would I dose her with whiskey??

And my all time favourite…


Anyway, as I was saying. Sophie is teething. She has 4 little white blobs on her bottom gums that are so white and ready to pop, as well as two white blobs on her top gums. I had a beautifully behaved baby who was quite independent – happy to play on Daddy, Mummy or on her own on her playmat gumming the hell out of her crackly butterflies!

So true!
So true!

Since she begun teething, Sophie has decided if she’s not on her playmat, then only Mummy will do. Highly impractical even if lovely. Sometimes I don’t like how much she wants me – sure she is my daughter and I love being her Mama and I love knowing I can soothe her…but I have to tell you…crying I can handle. Sobbing I can deal with. Incessant, annoying, ongoing and never ending WHINGING??? No. I have no patience. Lately my daughters’ anthem is a resounding ‘ennhhh nnnhhh ennnhhh ennnhhh’ over…and over…and over…and over.

It honest to God grates on the nerves. I can handle crying because Sophie only cries when there’s a problem. But the pain in my darlings teeth is so annoying to her she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She doesn’t know whether to sleep, eat, poop sit, lie, laugh, cry (I’ve had moments where she will cry while smiling haha!)

Luckily for us, a swift dose of Calpol, Bonjela and a warm bottle tend to help her. If she’s crying because of tooth ache, we’re crying because our nerves are shot to shit listening to it. Obviously it’s not her fault. She is a baby and can’t just articulate the pain and where it’s coming from and what she needs for it. And I’m not a bad mother for complaining about the fact that hearing my daughter so uncomfy and I can’t do anything about it. I actually got told the following:

You knew what you were getting into when you got pregnant. You should be grateful you even have her at all.

Well for anyone who wants to say that to me again, this is for you:

Take a running jump. Seriously – long walk off a high cliff. No first time mother truly knows what they’re getting into when they have a baby. You can be told about the wakeful nights and the clinginess and the terrors of teething. But it’s like telling someone what it’s like to have a million quid. You think you know what you would do with it until you have it. You think it will be the most amazing and easy experience to have a million quid, and it is, but it’s tough to be responsible for that amount of money. You see where I’m going with this? Teething babies are upset babies. They are sad, sleepy and grouchy for it and it’s not easy by any stretch of the imagination. Husband and I have bitten each others heads off in sheer exhaustion when Sophie cannot sleep no matter what we do. Rare for us, yes, but it happens.

Sophie is hard work. But I wouldn’t change a damn thing about her no matter how much I complain about it.

I smile because she’s my daughter, I laugh because there’s nothing she can do about it!

Jabbity Jab – In More Ways Than One!

Sophie was jabbed for her 12 weekers today. Oh God the yelling! She had the 2nd round of 5 in 1 and the 1st round of meningitis c. Poor little bub – I had to wake her as well. SO she was a cranky, clingy little monkey all afternoon.

She is 16 weeks today so should have been having her 3rd round of jabs, but the 12 week appointment we originally had ended up getting moved til today. I had to go on my own as Husband wasn’t about today, and I was very brave – I didn’t cry! Lollipop for me please!

I think it hurt my heart to hear her cry and see her little tears on her face than her actually feeling the needle in my opinion. That’s not to say she wasn’t in pain…of course…but she’s still too young for that damn lollipop!

I got her home and she was sleeping and hungry but very fussy – I couldn’t blame her. I hate needles. Every time I picked her up she clung on just in case I would let go. Spent a lot of time making babbly noises today. I’m sure she was telling us how much her legs hurt form the jabs – the crying in the nurses room alone was very much OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU BITCCCCCH!! Even the lovely nurse (Sarah!) said that babies sound like they are swearing in how angry their cries are.

Anyway, monkey is now asleep. The living room is strewn with toys and babygrows she dribbled all over and I must clean….nahhhh I’ll wait til tomorrow 😀

Controversial topics make Mums mad…

*Disclaimer* – The opinions expressed in this post are the authors OWN and not intended to offend or upset. You are not obliged to agree.


Crying it out. Controlled crying. Very very hot topics with Mum’s around the world. Some advocate it. Some spit on it. Some just despair at the idea. What are these things, I hear you ask!

Controlled Crying:

Controlled crying (also known as controlled comforting and sleep training) is a technique that is widely used as a way of managing infants and young children who do not settle alone or who wake at night. Controlled crying involves leaving the infant to cry for increasingly longer periods of time before providing comfort. The intention of controlled crying is to let babies put themselves to sleep and to stop them from crying or calling out during the night.

(Basically sitting and patting/shushing a baby you are not holding and comforting without picking up. Not too much fuss to help them learn that they can self soothe)

Cry It Out (Ferber Method):

Cry It Out (CIO) is a broad phrase that refers to any method of training a child to sleep through the night that involves allowing a baby to cry for a given amount of time. The Ferber Method recommends that you let your child cry for progressively longer amounts of time before briefly checking on him. Keep in mind that your goal when you check on him is to simply reassure yourself that your child is okay and reassure your child that you are still nearby, and it is not to get him to stop crying or to help him fall asleep. For example, on the first night you might check on your child after he has been crying for 3 minutes, 5 minutes, and then 10 minutes, with 10 minutes being the maximum interval if you have to keep checking on him, although the intervals would restart at 3 minutes if he wakes up again later. You would then increase the intervals by a few minutes again the next night, although Dr. Ferber states that you can be flexible with these intervals if you don’t feel comfortable waiting that long, as long you increase the intervals each time.

(Basically putting baby down and letting them cry until they settle themselves…)


Personally I couldn’t use the Ferber Method on Sophie. I think it definitely works for some families, but come on, would you be able to stand back if you saw this face?


I definitely can’t!!! When she’s starting to fuss in her cot, it’s usually because my sadistic little ray of sunshine pats and tries to scratch her own face while in bed. Not fun! So I gently hold her hands away from her face and let her drift off to sleep while consistently ‘shushing’ her. It works 99% of the time. I usually only pick her up if her little fusses turn into very big moans and then cries.

Every single mother can tell the difference as to whether or not her child’s crying is urgent or not. Every single parent can make a judgment call as to what is right for their family. What do you think of those sleep training methods? I could use CC if necessary but definitely not before 6 months. Babies younger than 6 months still sometimes need that reassurance that Mum or Dad is still around and close by


And seriously. That face? I could smush it.