A Man’s Biggest Mistake…Giving Another Man the Opportunity to Make His Woman Smile

This post is pretty much aimed at most of the women in my life at the moment who are being treated like utter shit by their partners/husbands/significant c*nts. 227645_511145045590713_1109997342_n

There seems to be a rather horrible and disturbing trend at the moment in that friends of mine, since having their little cherubs, are being cheated on or left or disrespected in some way. I really don’t get it. Why try for a baby with a woman, only to get through the whole shebang of pregnancy and labour, to then leave her? Or better yet, why try for a baby with a woman and agree to spend your life with them, to then go and have an affair with the nearest set of perky tits?

The general consensus is that us women are hormonal. I’m sure you’ve heard this of course. Women are notoriously hormonal – periods, PMS, babies – all reasons for us to scream, shout and cry. Pregnancy hormones added to the mix and the promise of sweet smelling newborns and you have a bag of hormonal mess. So why is it becoming common that men agree to this and then run away? I get it, I do, having a baby is a huge deal. Men and women both feel pressured into being immediately fantastic. Men get scared cos they have no idea what to do (neither do we half the time!).

What I can’t get my head around, are those who choose to TRY for cherubs and then think that it’s a good idea to dip their wick elsewhere. Are you serious? I reference my earlier blog about men who cheat….it’s disgusting. A man who cheats on you is not worth the shit you do in the morning. However, men who cheat on women when they are trying to create tiny humans are just the lowest of the low.

jerk-storeWhen women want a baby, and a man agrees to that and expresses the same wishes, we women get excited. We get broody and start to feather our nests. We get lovey dovey and happy that this man wants what we want, he wants to give us a family, he wants to be a father. And then if that woman discovers that her man agreed to all that, then shagged someone else (which has happened to several friends of mine lately) he becomes automatic scum. Sure…get someone knocked up and paddy it about…why not…? Dick.

Relationships do become different after a baby is born. Of course they do. You can’t go and have a baby, adding a third person and no sleep into the mix, with no change. However, it’s down to both of you how it changes. It can go sour, where you shout at each other through exhaustion and don’t support each other. Or it can go well, where you both GET that it’s a change and you’re both tired and you support each other through gritted teeth even if their mere breathing start to piss you off.

Women have to learn that even though they are hormonal, scared, tired, sore and overwhelmed, that men are scared too. Men need to learn that just because your wife/partner is all those things, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, doesn’t mean she’s put off you and doesn’t mean you’re not needed.

Hell, I remember bursting into tears while shopping in Asda because Husband was worried I wouldn’t love him as much now we had Sophie. I started to cry, because after she was born, I had to divide attention between him, her and myself. It was scary (and I was all over the place) to think that I would have to learn how to be responsible for someone else. And no, pregnancy doesn’t really prepare you for that. It’s a huge deal. But you can get through the scary beginnings by really realising that you are a team and not working against each other. Women shouldn’t push the new Daddy out because they feel possessive of the new squidgy in their life.

So, men of the world, if you are damn lucky enough to find someone who loves you for YOU, and who you love, and you choose to have a life with them… treat them with the damn respect they deserve. This woman would voluntarily give up her body, her youth, her VAGINA… for you to have a family. Don’t then tread all over her because maybe her boobs are for feeding not fun for a while.  Don’t tread on her because things might point a little bit more south. She isn’t stale or old. She is a mother. She is amazing. You’d punch the lights out of anyone who would treat your mother/sister/niece with contempt so don’t do it to your partner. Don’t run to find someone new just cos they mightn’t have the time to shave the other leg.

And don’t forget…New things always become old things in time…

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Arseholitis…Oops, I mean ‘People Who Cheat’

Lately I have been thinking about how much my life has changed in the last few years and how thankful I am for it. This then got me thinking about how I wish I could go back in time to my 17 year old self, sit me down and bitch slap myself across the face.

I met someone when I was 16. A very long story short? I was cheated on multiple times in the space of four years, but because I was young and stupid I allowed myself to be slowly detached from a lot of people in my life. Friends became just him. Everything I did I was consumed by just him and whether it would be good enough for him. He begged me to move in with him then in a matter of months used Gumtree to find girls to be ‘friends’ with. I made that flat the most homely place ever. It was sparkling clean with good food every day. He forgot our Valentines Day. He bought me a bookmark for my birthday. He then came home from a night out, woke me up and casually told me that he had fucked some girl behind a club. I vomited into the hallway and then he got upset that I didn’t sleep in the same bed as him…!

That is just one example. When I finally got out, I still went back and forth. I mean, how do you stop being around someone who gently extracted you from everyone else? How do you go from being systematically told that you are not good enough for anyone but him and no one else will love you or like you in any way shape or form..to nothing? To not even talking to that person? It’s hard. Insanely hard. I kept going back. He once said to me, ‘I don’t want you anymore, but please don’t date anyone because one day I MIGHT want you again and I need you to wait to see if I will make that decision…in the meantime I will sleep around as much as I like and you have to handle it‘.

No really, he did say that to me. I of course dated anyway, and suffered a barrage of ‘I miss you’, ‘I’ve changed my mind about us’ texts, which would make me drop all and run to him…only to discover I was good enough to have  a one night stand with and drop again like a used tissue. It wasn’t until my wonderful amazing mother took my phone one night and told me these amazing words:

I will give you a backbone whether you like it or not

I have never, ever forgotten these words. I never will. My Mum slowly got me back up. I moved back home and spent a year as a recluse (pretty much!) before meeting Husband.

 

I’ve rambled a bit haven’t I? My point is this: why cheat? If you stop loving someone or feel different, why go and line yourself up another girlfriend, home, heck even LIFE before dumping someone? Why not just say you can’t do it anymore? Why have no courage? Why be a total coward and lie and lie and lie and cheat?

I can’t understand it. The psychological effect alone is devastating. You spend all your time wishing you knew where the lies started. You obsess over when the happiness finished and the betrayal began. You obsess and cry, and if you’re like me, think Vodka is your new best friend. It makes you doubt every person who ever tell you they have feelings for you because you can’t trust words when the person you trusted the most lied to you. What’s the point in breaking someones heart by planning to get them out of your life? I know more than most that relationships don’t work out sometimes…but it is so much better to have transparency and honesty than a crushed soul.

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There is something so dirty about sneaking around behind someones back, isn’t there? I wish I could tell my 17 year old self to stop, think about what you are doing. Get yourself your university education. Learn about who YOU are first. Spend these years being selfish and make some mistakes. I will never get those years back. I feel like I wasted my time so much.

However… without those wasted years, I would not have learned what I know about love and heartbreak. I would not have expected how I should be treated and how I did not WANT to be treated. I’ve learned what my limits are and what the signs are for a man who will cheat on you.

I hate the excuses you know? ‘It was an accident…I didn’t mean it…It meant nothing to me..’ Well, know what, fucktard?? If you are shagging her more than once, it’s not an accident, its a choice. Falling off your bike is an accident, you didn’t fall over into a naked woman ?! Of course it meant something! To me, if not to you! He once told me ‘I haven’t been happy in a long time’. I was stunned, actually stunned. I replied of course, with WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!!!! I couldn’t fix what I didn’t know was wrong!

The worst though…is the WOMEN the men cheat with. What the hell happened to feminism these days? Sisterhood? No? How can a woman KNOWINGLY sleep with an attached man? Whore much?? You should be keeping it in your knickers if you know he’s not free. Fair enough if you genuinely don’t know I suppose your tits don’t need to be torn off you… but fucking hell. Women shouldn’t do shit like that to each other!

 

I am lucky in the way that Husband also had this experience. It means we both have gone into our relationship, and marriage, knowing what to expect from each other. If we have a problem, we never say ‘fine’. We hash it out no matter what purely so that we don’t end up in a trap where one is not told the other is unhappy. We make a conscious effort to air our problems out and as such are STILL in the ‘honeymoon’ phase of the first few weeks of dating.

Because of that fuckhead it took me a long, long time to trust Husband. I couldn’t relax for ages and had such issues  but you know…they’re almost all gone. I am now a naturally suspicious person because of him. I’m slowly being ‘tamed’. Husband told me I was like a frightened rabbit and actually nicknamed me ‘Flinchy’ for the first few months of our relationship.

 

So if I ever hear of anyone, man or woman, who cheats on my friends…here is my advice:

 

RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS AND DON’T LOOK BACK!

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