There seems to be a rather horrible and disturbing trend at the moment in that friends of mine, since having their little cherubs, are being cheated on or left or disrespected in some way. I really don’t get it. Why try for a baby with a woman, only to get through the whole shebang of pregnancy and labour, to then leave her? Or better yet, why try for a baby with a woman and agree to spend your life with them, to then go and have an affair with the nearest set of perky tits?
The general consensus is that us women are hormonal. I’m sure you’ve heard this of course. Women are notoriously hormonal – periods, PMS, babies – all reasons for us to scream, shout and cry. Pregnancy hormones added to the mix and the promise of sweet smelling newborns and you have a bag of hormonal mess. So why is it becoming common that men agree to this and then run away? I get it, I do, having a baby is a huge deal. Men and women both feel pressured into being immediately fantastic. Men get scared cos they have no idea what to do (neither do we half the time!).
What I can’t get my head around, are those who choose to TRY for cherubs and then think that it’s a good idea to dip their wick elsewhere. Are you serious? I reference my earlier blog about men who cheat….it’s disgusting. A man who cheats on you is not worth the shit you do in the morning. However, men who cheat on women when they are trying to create tiny humans are just the lowest of the low.
When women want a baby, and a man agrees to that and expresses the same wishes, we women get excited. We get broody and start to feather our nests. We get lovey dovey and happy that this man wants what we want, he wants to give us a family, he wants to be a father. And then if that woman discovers that her man agreed to all that, then shagged someone else (which has happened to several friends of mine lately) he becomes automatic scum. Sure…get someone knocked up and paddy it about…why not…? Dick.
Relationships do become different after a baby is born. Of course they do. You can’t go and have a baby, adding a third person and no sleep into the mix, with no change. However, it’s down to both of you how it changes. It can go sour, where you shout at each other through exhaustion and don’t support each other. Or it can go well, where you both GET that it’s a change and you’re both tired and you support each other through gritted teeth even if their mere breathing start to piss you off.
Women have to learn that even though they are hormonal, scared, tired, sore and overwhelmed, that men are scared too. Men need to learn that just because your wife/partner is all those things, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, doesn’t mean she’s put off you and doesn’t mean you’re not needed.
Hell, I remember bursting into tears while shopping in Asda because Husband was worried I wouldn’t love him as much now we had Sophie. I started to cry, because after she was born, I had to divide attention between him, her and myself. It was scary (and I was all over the place) to think that I would have to learn how to be responsible for someone else. And no, pregnancy doesn’t really prepare you for that. It’s a huge deal. But you can get through the scary beginnings by really realising that you are a team and not working against each other. Women shouldn’t push the new Daddy out because they feel possessive of the new squidgy in their life.
So, men of the world, if you are damn lucky enough to find someone who loves you for YOU, and who you love, and you choose to have a life with them… treat them with the damn respect they deserve. This woman would voluntarily give up her body, her youth, her VAGINA… for you to have a family. Don’t then tread all over her because maybe her boobs are for feeding not fun for a while. Don’t tread on her because things might point a little bit more south. She isn’t stale or old. She is a mother. She is amazing. You’d punch the lights out of anyone who would treat your mother/sister/niece with contempt so don’t do it to your partner. Don’t run to find someone new just cos they mightn’t have the time to shave the other leg.
And don’t forget…New things always become old things in time…