Ah that old chestnut.
What is with women/men who have no children telling you the best way to feed/change/rock/soothe/play with your child? Of course, those who don’t have children are always the best ones to remind you what you do wrong, aren’t they? Especially because they have read all the research and baby books and every scientifically proven article ever in the whole wide world. They also have a billion
friends/relatives/significant others/distant nobodies who have children and so that qualifies them to know the BEST for YOUR child. They explain their research and their opinion to you, and the whole time all you can do is smile and nod.
My question really, is why? Why do they feel they are the most qualified of people to give their advice on parenting? I chose to formula feed my daughter and I have received tuts of disapproval in public when I don’t whip out a boob. However, if I was to breastfeed I would get tuts of disapproval FOR whipping out a boob.
I’ve been informed that giving her a dummy is lazy parenting. When Sophie was 6 weeks old, she kept vomiting her feeds, but she was crying for food. Or so I thought. I gave her a dummy which previously she had refused. Sophie promptly fell asleep, and I learned that my daughter finds a dummy a comfort to suck on while she falls asleep. No more vomiting from overfeeding! My new couch now hides when I bring out the bleach but at least my baby is happy. I don’t plan for her to use it when she is talking, as the dummy fairy will be visiting waaaay before then. Now, Sophie only uses it to get to sleep then she spits it out. She is much more interested in her hands than her dummy, unless its to hold the handle in her mouth.
The funny thing is here, is that I always welcome suggestions from anyone – heck someone may actually have advice that is good. Before I got pregnant, I always had an idea of what life would be like as a mother. I always imagined the very cute, small, warm bundle
I would hold and rock and stroke the face of. I imagined an instant routine and soothing baby tears and a happy contented CLEAN baby that was all mine. You do don’t you? The reality however, is so different to what the so called experts tell you in books.
What I got… well, aside from the obvious cuteypie that is the fruit of my womb, I got a messy, snotty, dribbly child.
I have coped with: explosive shit and projectile vomit, been peed on, puked on, shit on, dribbled all over, had food sneezed at me, changed nappies that leak into BRAND NEW baby clothes, had snot fly at me, pacing the flat at 3am singing the Shut Up song – my own invention, tried to dress a child that preferred to eat her feet than put them in a baby grow, had two necklaces ripped off my neck, had my ears screamed into, handled a sick child, handled a teething child.
Not one of those people who gave me unsolicited advice said to me ‘oh yeah I know what you’re going through, I’ve been there’. Because not one of those people have babies themselves. They read a book by an expert and expect that to be the case. That babies follow the books. They don’t. What works for one baby will not work for other babies.
And just because your mothers’ sister’s cousins’ auntys’ brothers’ friends’ wife told you otherwise doesn’t mean you have a clue what you’re on about. Until you are in it, you have no idea what the Mummy Club is like. You can babysit and coo over a cute baby. You can even feed and change them. But until you’ve had to handle the hormones, the scary feeling your baby will die in their sleep, the consistent whinging when they find their voice, the crying that doesn’t stop and you can’t figure out the WHY of it then hold your stupid opinions. Everyone can guess but no one is an expert on babies – even the ‘experts’. Supernanny for example, has great ideas…but no kids of her own. Her methods may work for some, but won’t work for others.
If I’ve said it once, I’ll repeat myself a thousand times. I will do things MY way, what works for ME and my Hubbers. If that requires formula/dummies/a smack on the butt when needed when older, then that is what I will do. You wanna tell me I’m doing it wrong?
Well, in that case I hope you have the most awkward, whingey little shitbag of a child ever. Then I will laugh as each of your personal opinions of dummies/formula/smacks on the bum don’t work. Sayonara!