Big Decisions!

I am the first person to admit I absolutely hate the phrase ‘New Year, New Start’. It basically says that you could have changed from being a total dick any time, but you’re waiting to do so.

DAMN RIGHT
DAMN RIGHT

However, I hold up my 24 year old hands and say that I have made decisions (with the Husband, of course) about our future from now. Here. YES, 2013! I have waited until now to want to make a difference to my life purely because my new job started this week. And because of the new job, we can actually see that teeny little light at the end of the very dark tunnel that has been our life.

The new job means:

  • Moving out of a mouldy flat into a house 
  • Buying a new car
  • Saving for a holiday/pension/new pair of shoes!

We also made a very tough decision. Originally, my mum didn’t believe me when I said this, but it’s true! It’s a HUGE decision for us…

We are no longer trying for another baby. I know, I know, it’s fecking awful isn’t it? The original plan was to just see what happens. Which loosely translated means not using anything in the hopes of an oopsie. However,  my NYR was to make smart decisions. And it is a very smart decision to sort out life first and enjoy

Safety First...
Safety First…

Sophie for a while so we will be waiting until the end of 2013 to have a squishy newborn. That’s ok though – so many of my mummy friends are popping them out this year I can just squish over their babies instead!

 

Anyway, the metaphorical ball is in my court and this year will be a hell of a lot better. No more struggling, no more wishing. Time to make the wishing happen! Except the lottery. That will forever be a wish…

School-vs.-Life

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2013

fireworks-burst-haven-2011-001I can officially say I have survived 2012. Here are some of the things that happened this year:

  • Moved out of a one bed flat into a two bed flat
  • Moved from the countryside to the seafront
  • Got married to Husband in April
  • Celebrated turning 24
  • Gave birth to Sophie in August
  • Started uni in September
  • Survived another prophesised (sp?) Apocalypse

It has been one heck of a year. I didn’t see Chicago like I wanted to and I didn’t go on holiday like I wanted to and I didn’t pay off debt like I wanted to. However, that is why we have 2013!

Here are my NYR (New Years Resolutions, Mum!)

Pay off my debts & become debt free

Buy myself an automatic car for my birthday (this is on the proviso that NYR1 is complete)

Get a family portrait done with my Chubbers & Hubbers

Move house – not necessarily to buy but a house nonetheless

Start and be successful at my new job as a freelance recruiter

Begin the 30 Day Shred again – we did start but all got struck with NoroSucky

Throw the most ridiculous Christening party for Chubbers

My NYR aren’t actually that hard to achieve, I don’t think! They all tie in together – by doing well at my job, I can pay my debts and therefore buy a car and move house and throw a big party. They are all very selfish resolutions, not very good for the world or humanity but you know what? I’m sick and tired of waiting for life to happen. I am a completely different person to the one I was 2 years ago, thankfully, because I was a horrible person then. I had no care for myself and was on self destruct for a long time.

Now it’s different. Now I don’t only have me to think of. I have my little chubbers, Sophie, who lights up my life on a daily basis and makes me feel like I was born to be her Mummy. I also have Husband, who balances out my wacky ways with his own and ensures I stay my new self and not the disgrace I used to be.

True...
True…

I have other things I would like to do but they are more mini goals than resolutions. I am different now – for example, I am a regular Church goer and actually enjoy it. And pray. I actually pray for those in my life, for forgiveness for my own bad choices. For guidance. For hope. For health.

I want 2013 to be a better, healthier, guided year. I don’t want to be who I was. Karma has bitch slapped me more than enough times now and I am ready to accept who I can be and not who I settle to be.

This year, I am going to put in what I want to get back. I’m not going to make any stupid choices. I’m not going to allow myself to spend before I think (well, I’ll try!) and I am going to be the best mother, wife and friend I can be.

I have a lot of people to thank for getting me through a lot this year, one of my closest friends Lauren who has always been there as an ear and a guiding star is one of them and she is FINALLY expecting her own 2013 miracle baby. Amy, who has got me through pregnancy and birth and all the scary ghosty experiences ever haha! My mum, of course, who I thank every day for being there for me. And all my TOBCers, who laugh and cry and fight but wouldn’t change it.

2013 I will kick your arse. And you will enjoy it.

See you next year, folks! Happy New Year!

Dear Universe..

I wanted to write you a letter today to both thank you for a lot of things, and scream at you for others. Well, not scream because you kinda sort out our Karma and shizz like that and I don’t want to piss off the Gods up there.

But REALLY??? 2012 has found me lots of small blessings among a giant pile of crap. It seems like the last 18 months have been a damn struggle. Jobs, house moves, money, it’s been never ending.

Of course I am very thankful for my new Husband and daughter. They are the joy in my life and my daughter gives me more sunshine than the sun itself. Her blue eyes alone are worth waking up for every day.

But why…if you are to grant me those amazing gifts, would you take away so many others? Was I destined to struggle? Were we as a family destined to feel hopeless sometimes?

I am not thankful for that. I never will be. So ner. However I would like to ask, pretty please, if we could have a better 2013. We want Sophie to be safe and happy and warm. If you can grant us that ability I would be forever grateful