A lot of things change when you have a child. Opinions on issues you thought you knew about, how tidy your house usually is, and unfortunately – friendships.
The biggest change? Ourselves. When you have children you change. You never think you will, you try your damned best to stay the person you were, but you change anyway. And to be honest, why wouldn’t you? We go from who we think we are to someone so much stronger and braver than we imagined.
We develop a strength that comes from lack of sleep and a huge shock to the system that comes with the presence of a child in your life. We evolve from carefree cub to fierce lioness. It’s part of the parcel. No one goes through the trial of childbirth and comes out weaker; we come out strong and feeling invincible that we survived such an experience. We come through and even though some of us descend into depression, or feel overwhelmed and daunted by the biggest responsibility we shall ever have, we are still stronger than any previous moment in our lives.
As this change happens, we find a voice we didn’t know we have. One that speaks for the baby who can’t speak for itself. One that stands up for ourselves, especially where previously we didn’t speak for ourselves. But we change.
I have made new friends since being a mum. Drawn together by the same experiences with pregnancy and childbirth and then raising children, we all meet new people and friends we had before children drift away sometimes. It’s natural when our paths in life divide – some of us have children and others don’t so the things you had in common before children (BC) fall by the wayside. You can’t go out at the drop of a hat, you can’t just go and be a person; not without consideration for the kids. You truly discover your real friends when you become a mother and I am proud of the fact I have two women in my life who I can honestly say I wouldn’t be without. They know who they are so I won’t name them, but without them I would be a bit lost! There have been some very dark days since being a mum but it is these women who have never left me to sink. That right there, that is friendship.
One thing that has changed about me personally is that I refuse to be walked over. Not by anyone, anymore. I’m a loyal person even when my judgement tells me not to be, I go against it and rather see the best of someone than give up. My husband says this is my most frustratingly wonderful quality haha. I’ve recently parted ways with who I thought was a very close friend and for the life of me I still don’t truly understand why. The gist of it seems to be that I had other friends. Absurd and baffling, I refuse to wallow in any sadness. While I can’t understand how others process, I can forgive shitty behaviour and move on from that experience, purely because life is just too fucking short to worry about someone else if they haven’t the time of day for me. I am a grown woman, not a child in the playground.
We are 7 months into 2015 and I have worked so hard to transform myself personally and mentally. I started this year in a fog of exhaustion and tears and frustration, fat and sorry for myself. The better I did, the less I saw or heard from my friend. But that’s okay you know, it’s okay. I’m a stronger person for it. I’m better as a person, knowing who my real friends are and that’s why 2015 is turning out so well.
Madeleine is going to be one next month, and Sophie is going to be three. We are giving Madeleine an amazing christening day followed by a birthday party for both girls, and our closest friends and family are coming. It’s going to be a fantastic party and I cannot wait to see the excitement on my daughters’ faces when all the people who love them are in the same place. This is what counts. The happiness of my children, my husband and myself and how we can give that back to those who love us, is what matters.
And no one will stand in the way of that